Snert Handbook
A big thank you to Mosquito for writing all these

1) Throw a tomato.
2) Breed rats.
3) Toss babies.
4) Threaten bunnies.
5) Be obnoxious.
6) Don’t clean up after making your peanut butter and jelly sandwich.
7) Use all the hot water.
8) Pour honey ion the mailbox.
9) Litter.
10) Starch underwear.
11) Kick the person in front of you.
12) Blame it on the person behind you.
13) Carry a pork chop in your pocket for three weeks.
14) Walk on the table.
15) Free your spider collection.
16) Tailgate.
17) Trip a grandmother.
18) Eat onions.
19) Don’t leave a tip.
20) Stick out your tongue.
21) Scratch someone’s favorite CD.
22) Spread vicious rumors.
23) Snore in church.
24) Burp.
25) Butter the floor.
26) Stand in front of the TV.
27) Rake the leaves into your neighbor’s yard.
28) Shout in the library.
29) Jingle your change.
30) Tear pages out of the phone book.
31) Point at people.
32) Steal from the collection plate.
33) Occupy the bathroom for unreasonable periods of time.
34) Stick your hand in the clam dip.
35) Drop your hors d’oeuvre and grind it into the carpet.
36) Hard-boil all the eggs.
37) Honk as soon as the light changes.
38) Break a heart.
39) Hum at a concert.
40) Cut the strings off all the teabags.
41) Break all the pencil points…
42) Then hide the sharpener.
43) Don’t buy any Christmas presents.
44) Drive at 25 mph on the freeway.
45) Unscrew the saltshaker lid.
46) Jam the pay toilet door.
47) Don’t wipe your feet.
48) Start a load of washing as soon as someone gets in the shower.
49) Forget your mother’s birthday.
50) Crash a funeral.
51) Giggle during the eulogy.
52) Pour gravy on your host.
53) Talk with your mouth full.
54) Spray-paint someone’s eyeglasses.
55) Say “Huh?” after someone has spoken to you.
56) Eat sloppily.
57) Gloat when you win.
58) Throw a tantrum when you loose.
59) Clip your toenails in public.
60) Go wild with shaving cream.
61) Leave the cap off the toothpaste.
62) Soap windows.
63) Go “a-bugga-bugga-boo” in people’s faces.
64) Scratch a lot.
65) Step on some feet.
66) Write insincere love letters.
67) Never remember anyone’s name.
68) Practice chopsticks with the windows open.
69) Leave a cow on your neighbor’s porch.
70) Burn the toast.
71) Short-sheet the bed.
72) Go to a party with the measles.
73) Hide in a dark corner while wearing an ape mask.
74) Give inaccurate directions to motorists.
75) Scream in the dentist’s office.
76) Say “I can do that better than you.”
77) Sit in front of a short person at the theater.
78) Go to the hospital and laugh at the patients.
79) Let your shirttail hang out.
80) Throw water bombs.
81) Take up two parking spaces.
82) Be unreasonable.
83) Hoard overdue library books.
84) Clog the sink.
85) Cough all through the movie.
86) Stare at somebody.
87) Cut the clothesline.
88) Put your sneakers in the refrigerator.
89) Turn up the stereo as loud as possible.
90) Wake someone up violently.
91) Tickle people with a branch of poison ivy.
92) Bite people.
93) Feign serious illness.
94) Salt the Band-Aids.
95) Hide a frog under the pillow.
96) Stomp through the flower bed.
97) Enroll your friends in record clubs.
98) Pull wings off flies.
99) Use all the toilet paper.
100) Deny a friend in need.
101) Harass pedestrians.
102) Plant ragweed.
103) Deliver lectures on abstinence and temperance.
104) Go to the grocery store and squish the fruits.
105) Smoke large black cigars.
106) Turn on the sprinkler at a lawn party.
107) Kick over garbage cans.
108) Stray into other people’s snapshots.
109) Tell someone she really should loose a few pounds.
110) Call somebody at 3 A.M.
111) Talk gibberish during serious conversation.
112) Press all the buttons in the elevator.
113) Ruin the punch line.
114) Ignore everybody.
115) Break something.
116) Grab someone’s nose and don’t let go.
117) Sneak up on people.
118) Gnash your teeth.
119) Make faces at people behind their backs.
120) Poke people.
121) Encroach on someone’s turf.
122) Talk loudly about the person in the next booth at the restaurant.
123) Throw your chewing gum on the floor. 1
24) Take the last cookie.
125) Put stones in all the shoes.
126) Don’t train your Doberman.
127) Cheat at Monopoly.
128) Paint your house chartreuse with pink trim.
129) Leave a ring in the bathtub.
130) Reveal the ending.
131) Drop bugs on passersby.
132) Scream in somebody’s ear.
133) Squirt water through your teeth.
134) Intimidate somebody
135) Saw the leg off a chair.
136) Don’t water the plants.
137) Demoralize your friends.
138) Slobber on the couch.
139) Don’t use deodorant.
140) Sneeze on your neighbor.
141) Snitch.
142) Snore loudly.
143) Put gummy stuff inside the books.
144) Scrape your fingernails across the blackboard.
145) Sing at the dinner table.
146) Constantly interrupt.
147) Pour vinegar in the milk.
148) Lie all the time.
149) Put Piranhas in the swimming pool.
150) Never say “thank you.”